OTHER PEOPLE'S STORIES
We would love to hear your story and post it right here. Please go to Write Your Story.
Warmest regards,
From Lars Bech Nygaard
The market for electricity in Denmark has become an 'open market',
meaning that you have the option to buy your electricity from any
supply-company that you favor.
Now, I'm pretty pleased with my current supplier, so when I'm
getting confronted by an electricity salesperson in the streets (or
the mall), the conversation usually goes like this:
SP: "Hi, may I ask from whom you're getting your
electricity?"
ME: "Sure, I get my power from 'Forsvarets
Etablissementstjeneste'"
(The division of the Danish military, responsible for military
buildings, power, water and so on - for military
installations).
SP: "Eh, okay, eh, have a nice day.."
ME: "Thanks, you too"
Of course it's untrue, that I get my power from the military, but
it's extremely efficient, as most salespersons know, that if it WAS
in fact true, they would not be able to get me for a costumer, no
matter what.
You might be able to adopt the procedure for other countries, by
simply finding out who is the 'correct military office' in your
country.
Yours faithfully laughing
Lars Bech Nygaard
From Conner
From Betsy
I have been using this method for almost a year. Unfortunately
most of the calls I get are automated. Argh.
Anyway, I had the "phone service" call from a live person.
"Good day, may I speak with the person in charge of handling your
phone service?"
B: That would be me. But we don't use phones here.
(not really hearing me) "Well, we would like to talk to you about
the services we offer...blah blah blah".
B: Sorry, we don't use phones here.
"Oh, um. oh."
B: Have a nice day, bye".
I have also used this for the cleaning service and the printer
sales that call. I love keeping the straight face voice. I have
told many of my office friends about this.
Thank you!
From Camilla F
Hi,
I tried your method, but the salesperson was able to counter
it.
Salesperson: "Hi, this is ... from ..., would you like to buy some
toner?"
Me: "No. We don't use toner."
Salesperson: "Don't you have any laser printers?"
Me: "No. We don't use laser printers."
Salesperson: "And what about inkjet printers?"
Me: "No. We don't use any printers."
Salesperson: "So what do you do when you need a printout of
something?"
Me: "Oh, we just write it by hand." (At this point I started to
giggle quietly. Maybe the salesperson heard it and started to
suspect something.)
Salesperson: "Oh, ok. Can I introduce you to our new line of
ballpoint pens?"
At this point, we both started to laugh.
In the end, the salesperson told me that they don't sell ballpoint
pens, but he just had to say that - and he thanked me for making
his boring day a bit more interesting.
From A. Burns
I just stumbled upon this site yesterday, and was hoping to try it
out. Just now, I got a call from someone taking a survey. It went a
little something like this:
Lady on the phone: Hi, my name is XXX and I work for XXX. I'm
conducting a survey on health assessment to see how Minnesotans are
taking care of their health. Your number has been chosen at random.
I'd like to ask you a few questions, if that is alright.
Me: I don't use questions, actually.
Lady: I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you right. What did you
say?
Me: I said, I don't use questions.
Lady: Oh...well, I'm sorry to have bothered you. Goodbye.
I was floored. This actually works! I love it!!
From Paul Wilkins
This morning I had just finished reading through the
wedonotuse.com website when a call came in, just before I was
leaving for work. They were wanting to come around to demo a vacuum
cleaner.
I'm sorry, we do not use vacuum cleaners.
What? But don't you have carpets?
No, we do not use carpets.
Oh, well they're very good on all other surfaces as well.
Because we are in an environment that is becoming increasingly
aware of energy savings, we do not use vacuum cleaners.
... pause *click*
From Chuck
We have a small family owned art gallery in the southeastern
United States.
We frequently receive telephone calls from telemarketers. Often
they speak English with a distinct accent that we, correctly or
incorrectly, associate with India.
One day I received a call from a person asking to speak with the
person "in charge" of the telephone service. The call went
something like this:
Caller: "May I speak with the person in charge of the telephone
service?"
Me: "No telephone!"
Caller: "May I speak with the person in charge of the internet
service?"
Me: "No internet!"
Caller: "Do you speak English?"
Me: "?Se habla Espanyol?"
Caller:
My fellow employees were falling over with laughter.
Cheers!
From Erik Ykema
- Hello, I heard you are responsible for Training. What are your
training needs?
- We do not follow training.
- How do you keep up to date?
- We already know everything. (It gets hard now not to burst into
laughter...)
- We are strong in courses for Microsoft based office
automation.
- We do not use Microsoft.
- We are also strong in Microsoft Server training.
- We do not use Microsoft Server.
- What do you use?
- We mainly use AS/400. (VMS would also be a good one, or CP/M
maybe.)
- Ehm, well, I fear we have nothing to offer you then
indeed.
- I am very sorry. Good bye.
We had great fun afterwards retelling the conversation to my
collegues.
From Ranko Mosic
Standard Seinfeld trick, always works:
She calls, sells something. Can't get rid of her.
Then I ask question:
Do you want to buy video tapes ?
She: what kind of tapes
Me: WW2 tapes
She: I don't need those tapes
Me: see, I don't need your product either.
From Nicolai
I sense that I'm not the only one who gets calls from salespeople
checking your consume of toner and promise chocolate. :D
The mysterious thing is that they're also calling our family run
business. And they haven't actually spoken to me, in fact I doubt
if they have spoken to anyone at all. But I got picked up in the
2nd heat, where they had finished their inquiries hand now they
wanted to sell anything.
She really wanted to sell me some toner.
"we don't use toner."
- "But... seriously we don't use toner."
What we used then?
- "well, since the pictures, our foto company takes and print to
the customers in the "cheapest part of our developing" we don't
really use toner for printing the pictures. We do however use an
inkjet printer, which I am sure you would know about if we actually
had participated in the first round of inquiries you claim to have
had with us."
But the she had some good offers on inkjet cartridge. In average
they could print 20 per cent more sheets and they were
cheaper.
- "It all sound really fine, I am however only guaranteeing the
quality and reliability of my printer and thereby my pictures if I
use original HP cartridges,and not just cartridges for an HP"
But it was original HP cartridges!
- "That sounds good. But I can still print a lot cheaper than what
you can offer on the model I use right now."
But she could send me 10 cartridges, and they didn't have to be
very expensive and they would pay for the shipment.
- "Right, but... the cartridges are supposed to last 20 per cent
longer you say?"
That was correct.
- "Don't you think they dry out before I finish them then? After
all I only change cartridge once a year since we usually develop
pictures "correctly" and billing and stuff like that doesn't
require that much printing."
That might be right.
(I tried to cheer her up a bit)
- "But I wouldn't mind if you send me the chocolate you promised.
I'm sure the household would be pleased."
She laughed and promised to send the chocolate.
I've never as much as smelled the scent of chocolate from the
mailbox so unless the postman has released his packaged for the
weight of one box of chocolate it has never been send
I don't know if I'm the only one who hasn't received it - and I
don't really care about the chocolate - but promising to send it
and then not keeping the promise isn't very promising for a company
who depend on customers liking to receive phone calls from them.
And if I ever get a call from them again I will make sure to waist
their time as much as possible - and I will make sure to have penty
of spare time myself at that time. :D
I must say that WDNU has inspired me. And I will certainly use it
from now on.
I will also suggest to my boss (the company mentioned above is a
leisure company, so it's weekend and night work) that he can just
put the salespeople he doesn't want to talk to through to me; I
don't mind talking to them... :D
But I might stop doing some day. The day I get a positive
experience with a telephone salesman which hasn't happened yet
despite my patience.
(This could be interpreted as a hint to salespeople who don't
understand why people don't want to talk to them. It may be uncivil
to make fun of salespeople, but it is even more uncivil to waste
people's time when they've already kindly mentioned 5 times that
they don't use the product or don't want to be disturbed.
That's the general idea behind WDNU. When salespeople don't
understand "I'm sorry but I don't want to be disturbed" or "Thanks,
but I am not interested" an persistently go on. Then you have to
use other methods. I personally support the initiative.)
And for those of you (us) who have problems with salespeople are
so incredibly slow that a "no thank you" doesn't work the 6th time
I have a method. I change my tone of voice and suddenly I get
really interested for his call:
- "Yes, THAT sounds like a really great offer. I don't have much
knowledge of purchase myself, but I'll just put you through to one
of my colleagues who's in charge of purchase, and she knows that
when I put someone through she can buy it, if the likes the offer.
So I'll let her take the decision. Okay?"
That's quite all right
- "You know what I can't put you through. I just remember that we
had problems with our telephone system yesterday so we have a
technician working o nit right now. But you know what? I'll just
give you her direct number : (company fax number). Did you get it?
Good. Then say hi from me."
Yes, thank you... bye bye... "
That's the end of that. They're calling a line that gives them the
same sound as you get from an internet modem. If they don't get the
hint then I personally think they are out of reach. :-)
I know some salespeople get really upset when you waste their
time, but when I've said 6 times, that I don't want to talk to
them. Then the thinks I mentioned above should be ok. If you want
to play the "waste each others time game I'll make sure to win
it.
So if I take time to talk to a sales guy it's not necessarily a
good thing for him. But on the other hand it may lead to convulsive
laughter at the office. =p
Regards
Nicolai
From Claus Rasmussen
From my previous work in an IT-company.
Salesman: Hello I'm calling form XX and we'd like to offer you an
arrangement where you get fresh food delivered every day.
Me: We don't eat fresh fruit.
Salesman: But fresh fruit is healthy and you can have a trial
period for x weeks
Me: Our manager has an apple tree at home and he brings apples
that have fallen from the tree every day.
Salesman: Ok, I haven't heard that one before. Have a nice
day
That was my first "We DO Not Use" and it's a couple of years old.
I'm glad to see that it wasn't the only company who use the noble
"We Do Not Use" Method.
From Claus Olsen
Hi ....great idea you've come up with: it really shuts the sales
guys up. I've just had the following experience:
Sealands Cleaning company calls for the second time in two
weeks:
Sales guy: Hello… I'd like to ask you if it's ok that I send an
offer on cleaning for you?
Me: We don't use cleaning!
Sales guy: You don't WHAT?
Me: Nope, when it gets too dirty we simply just move!
Sales guy: Oh
Me: You called last week by the way! We didn't use cleaning
then
Sales guy: If I call you next week you'll have moved?
Me: Probably…Goodbye
Sales guy: Goodbye
From Henrik Nørgaard
A small We Do Not Use experience.
A news paper sales guy calls.
We have a good offer on newspaper subscriptions. So many news
papers for 3 months for only XXX kroners.
Me: we do not use news papers...
Sales guy: Well, we did use to sell you news papers in XXXX.
Me: Well, we don't use news papers anymore...
Sales guy: But it is an incredibly good offer
Me: But we really don't use news papers anymore ... we've switch
to toilet paper.
Sales guy: Eh... well... goodbye then
From Marian
Hi everybody
Just want to say: Great website almost fell of the chair from
laughing
And then to my story: 2 hours after my first visit to the website
a girl from an insurance company calls:
Am I talking to the person responsible for insurances
Me: we don't use that
Insurance girl: well, in that case I'm sorry to have disturbed
you
The conversation took less than 15 seconds. GGGGGG
Regards Marian
From Nikolaj Borg
Today a woman who wanted to sell us some IP-telephone gear called
me. At first she asked me if we had had their advert, but I
answered that I didn't want to go through the trash can. Then she
asked if we weren't interested in saving money. No, we don't use
that here :)
From David Kurtz
I was in Botswana recently and asked how much was a price quoted
in Botswanan Pula. I got my answer in South African Rand, US
Dollars, Sterling and finally Euros. I enjoyed being able to say
that "We do not use Euros!"
From Lars Jørgensen
My first attempt with this method was a huge success
Company XX: Hi, are you the guy responsible for byuing
toner?
Me: Yes
Company XX: I'm calling from XX. We have a short time offer in
your area
Me: We do not use printers anymore
Company XX: Hove you switch to Xerox?
Me: No, we've completely stopped using paper
Company XX: Well, eh, then I'm finished now. Have a nice day
Me: Thank You
From Jesper Hansen
Was encouraged to read your website. And I've wanted to use the
idea ever since.
Finally I got a smart sales guy on the phone:
S: I'm calling from the safety consultant agency XXX, I'd like to
the person responsible for keys.
Me: we do not use keys
S: Well, then I'm off again.
Me: Ok. Bye.
It was great. Thanks for the brilliant idea.
Jesper
From Peter B Juul
I'm working at an Internet Company. I'm mostly working with
routers. Therefore our secretary was very impolite when she put
this sales girl through to me.
Girl: Hello. I'm calling from nn. We're make an inquiry about
company's use of servers. I've been told that it's you who are in
charge of your servers.
Me: We don't use servers.
Girl: Eh. Can you explain to me why that is?
Me: We have a wireless. We use routers and that kind of
stuff.
Girl: So you don't have any servers around?
Me: Well, we might. But we don't use them for anything.
Girl: Well, then I'm sorry to have disturbed you
From Tom Nielsen
Should I be proud or insulted??
Sales person through the switchboard.
S: We sell these power rails
Me (complete in the spirit of WDNU): We do not use that
S: But it's an intelligent power rail (NB, probably for USB)
Me: We do not use intelligence here
S: Well, in that case I'm sorry to have bothered you
From Ole Nielsen
We do not use Charlotte…….while working
From Thilde
The telephone guy: Hi! You're talking to Lars Dam, I'd like to ask
you a few questions regarding advertising and marketing?
Me: I'm afraid I have to disappoint you, I do not use
questions
Telephone guy: he he, ehm, I think you may have misunderstood me.
I'd like to ask YOU some questions regarding advertising and
marketing?
Me: Well, I understand you perfectly thank you. But I still do not
use questions.
Telephone guy: Ehm, Well? (pause) Is there someone else in the
household I can talk to?
Me: No, unfortunately. I live alone after my husband ran off with
my sister.
Telephone guy; (pause again) Ehm, well, I'm sorry to have bothered
you then.
Me: That's ok, my friend, we'll talk to you some time.
Telephone guy: (completely confused) Eh, yeah… ehm bye!
From Tine Petersen
Hi WeDoNotUse
I heard a radio show about your method and it's simply brilliant.
I was looking forward to testing the theory. It didn't go exactly
like planned! The phone rings and a female voice says:
Hello, I'm from XXX and would like to ask you if you're interested
in buying some cleaning equipment.
As it turns out I'm a cleaning maniac so I simply couldn't say "We
do not use that here" but at the same time I was sick from laughing
at the thought of her reaction if I'd said it. I explained to her -
ever so kindly - that we couldn't use her product. She then asked
me if I might be interested in trying it out at home. At the
thought of having to say: No, I do not use that" I burst into
laughter - the sales girl got so confused that se gave up her
quest.
From Michael Alberg
First I'd like to say it's a terrific website. Lots of
entertaining contributions, so now I'd like to add a few.
My VDNU-experience goes all the way back to an early spring
evening while I was an intern in company.
I was an Intern at ADtranz (train factory in Randers) - which is
often taken for the ALtrans company - also in Randers. That has
given me quite a few funny conversations on the phone… *G*
Anyway, I'm working on my final project when the phone rings. I
assume it's one of my friends who where find me some information
for my project and had promised to call ack. So I'm answering the
phone with a "What's up KP?" I didn't exactly expect any other
calls.
However, it wasn't my friend. In stead it was a guy form a truck
company who wanted to talk with the responsible for the car
park.
Me: Excuse me who would you like to talk to? (very surprised by
the fact that he's called my direct number)
S: Could I talk to the responsible for your car park? He asks
again
Me: - eh... car park, as in trucks?
S: Yes, I have a very good offer for him on some new trucks
Me: We do not actually use trucks here
S: what do you use for moving stuff then? (he askes very
cinfused)
Me: With locomotives, cranes and gaffeltrucks...
S: Locomotives…? But you're a bloody moving company! (the idiot
just wanted to be right which was beginning to amuse me a lot, so
now I wanted to play along he he*)
Me: No… you've actually called a direct number at ADtranz… the
train factory in Randers - so unless you have a truck that can
manage 32 tons at a 20 meters long lad (weight and length of a IC3
wagon) I can't really help you (Now it was really hard not
laughing.)
S:But… Have I got the wrong number then…? (BINGO! - Is the guy
rocket scientist in his spare time…??? He's impossible to fool that
guy *G*)
Me: Yes, I think you have, I answer while suppressing a laughter,
and continues: You'll want to talk to ALtrans… They might still use
trucks.
S: (slightly annoyed) Why didn't you tell me that before?
Me: You never asked. (Which he actually didn't… and would I lie
about this kind of thing…? No way. *G*)
S: You could have told me that I'd godten the wrong number
Me: Yes and you could have read the number right the first time
(I'm all innocense :-D) But it was nice of you to call… I was
actually kind of boring myself a bit. (still suppressing a
laughter).
*click* then he gave up. NOW I really had a great laugh. If it had
gone on for another 2 minutes, it would have gone completely wrong.
*LOL*
The following day I told some of my colleges about it. They had a
good laugh and thought it was quite alright. When a person can't
find the right number, it's ok to joke around with him a bit.
:-D
Triede it a couple of weeks later as well - also on my direct
number. A woman who wanted to arrange a moving. I was a bit more
helpfull towards her and told her at once that she'd dialed the
wrong number. Just a little humanity is In order ;-) But it's those
kind of funny experiences in the every day life that makes thing a
little more fun.
The Morale: It's human to make mistakes - but embarrassing to get
the wrong number and insist you're right.
Hope you can like to story out there, cause when I read the first
episode again, the tears are running down ny cheeks.
Regards
Michael Alberg
From Flemming S
Hi wedonotuse.dk
It's a brilliant idea you've manage to come up with. It's really
something that saves Danish business a lot of money in wasted
time.
Unfortunately I don't get calls from irritating salespeople
anymore. I'm sure that I've been blacklisted everywhere, but it was
actually quite entertaining as long as it lasted.
I have a lot of examples but I'll spare you the most trivial
ones.
One of the ideas is to seem really pissed off. It's a lot easier
if you're only pretending and thereby able to be amused by the poor
salesperson who are about to have his day ruined. The only problem
using this method is tome. It can be difficult to get rid of the
salesperson fast.
Another good trick is to make a counterproposal. I.G:
Hello this is xx from xx. I have a good offer for you.
Well, hello. That was funny. I was just about to call you and make
you an offer you can't resist. We do translations and that's got to
be something for you.
That's possible, but I'm in sales so I'm not really the person to
talk to about that
Well, you won't mind putting me through to the person, I have to
talk to, would you?
Some time I've been put through and then of course I just hang up
and I seldom hear from them again.
In case the sales person is a bit quick and bright and manages to
sneak out of putting you through you have created another option:,
so you simply continue:
Before you begin your sales speak I just want you to know that we
do not use cash payment in this company. We prefer payment in
favours. You don't have to pay VAT of favours now, do you? (don't
give them time to answer). No, so I was wondering if we couldn't
make some kind of arrangement? We have a bunch of Polish
translations of effects for the cinema and manuals for toilet
brushes we're stock with. Could we perhaps use them for
payment?
Usually this is the time where the sales person has forgotten what
he wanted to sell (and if you're really talented in this game
you've never been told) and if he manages to utter a no, be quick
and say:
Well, that's too bad, but have a nice day. Goodbye! (and then you
hurry and hang up).
I've used it several times in different variations and it's always
worked.
Unfortunately I seldom get a chance to play this game with a sales
person, but I'm always looking forward to the next poor bastard who
calls…
Just get going and remember improvisation is worth gold!
From Camilla
What a briliant site! I want to share a "wedonotuse" story with
you guys, even though the phrase "we do not use" didn't pos up in
the beggning…
Here goes:
We had a satellite dish and a full package from a supplier. In the
long run it became to expensive for us and we decided to cancel our
subscription in March last year. My boyfriend (k) called the
surpplier (U).
U: xxx, hello
K: Hello, I'm calling to cancel my subscription with you
U: All Right. I'll be needing you subscription number then
Which she gets
U: I can see that you've upgraded you subscription in December, is
that correct?
K: That sounds about right
U: Well, in that case you cannot cancel it until next December.
You can only cancel a subscription in the same month as you've
signed it.
K: (hesitates for a quarter of a second) I'm cancelling it anyway
cause I'm going to South Africa and I'm not taking the bloody
satellite dish with me!
U: You're going to South Africa?
K: Yea, I'm leaving on the first
U: May I ask why?
K: Not that it's any of your business, but I'm marrying a South
African so I'm moving down there.
U: In that case you have to arrange with your bank that they're
paying for your subscription until we can end it.
K: I'm not goiong to pay for something I don't use!
U: You have to otherwise you'll end up in Ribers (the Danish
register of bad payers).
K: All right. They don't use Ribers in South Africa!
U: is quiet for a while and then asks him to hold the line. 1
minute after she returns and announces that they've decided to make
an exeption in his case so his subscription is cancelled by the end
of the month. ;-)
I'll definitely remember the "we do not use" line and make some
smart phone sales person all confused when using it :-D
From Gitte Pedersen
Met two very importunate young sales people from Tele2
(phonecompany) in front of a supermarket. They wanted to ask me, if
I called free of charge on my mobile phone, and how much my
subscription cost. I don't use subscription I told them. And I call
free of sharge al day long at all numbers. I would of course move
my subscription to them if they could offer me better
conditions.
Unfortunately they were incapable of offering me a better
subscription. They simply stood there trying to understand what I'd
just told them. It was SO much fun. Thanks for a great idea.
From Ulrik Hansen
I have a funny little story with "WeDoNotUse". It was a condom
company that called me and asked if I wanted a test package of
condoms with banana flavour and dots for the small amount of 10
crowners. I answered: "We do not use condoms. We're Catholics and
we've already got 20 kids……hehehehe
From Henrik
I've rejected a few salespeople:
Hello, could I talk to the person who are responsable for cleaning
windows?
We do no use window cleaning
Well, don´t you have any windows?
Nope, we live in a basement without windows
Another one, which by the way isn't a complete lie
Hello, could I talk to the person responsible for the
network
Sure, you can. The person is sitting at our European Headquarter
in Switzerland. Would you like the number?
All of a sudden the interest faded out.
By the way: thank you for a great website. Now I'm actually
looking forward to getting phone calls from salespeople.
From Jesper Larsen
The first time I heard about wedonotuse was a couple of months ago
and since then I've been looking forward to using the
"wedonotuse"-method. It happened 3 weeks ago when I got a sales
girl from Jyllandsposten (larger Danish New Paper) on the
phone.
Sales girl: Good evening. I'm calling from Jyllandsposten. I can
offer you the newspaper, on trial for 3 months at a more favourable
price.
Me: Sorry... I don't use news papers. I'm dyslectic
The sales girl was apparently very eager to sell me something,
cause her answer was:
That amazes me, cause you had a trial subscription 6 months
ago!...
Me: Yes¡… But that was before my wife left me and took the kids
with her..! and the car and the dog. She could read, but actually
she mostly used it to put in the bottom of the birdcage. She took
that one with her as well by the way, the bird that is...
The sales girl really wasn't the type to give up, cause she
continued:
So you don't want to use the offer?
Me: No!... Unless you can get the paper recorded on tape? It's
possible with library books and I use that a lot...
Sales girl: On tape!!... I really don't know...
Me: Could you check it out for me and then get back to me when you
have an answer then.
Sales girl: Eh... ok...
Me: All right then… Have a pleasant evening.
I thought that I'd heard the last of this case. But I turned out
to bee wrong, cause a couple of days ago, I had another sales guy
from Jyllandsposten on the phone.
Sales guy: Good evening. I'm calling from Jyllandsposten. I can
offer you the newspaper…
Me(interrupting the sales guy): From Jyllandsposten!... How nice,
I was about to think you'd forgotten me and my question. What have
you found out?
Sales guy: Eh… Question?.. I don't think I quite follow!.. I'm
just calling with a good offer for a news paper subscription.
Me: But.. That's exactly it!!.. You were supposed to call me with
an answer on whether or not it's possible to get the paper recorded
on tape!!
Sales guy: On tape?.. Eh...
Me: yes, on tape!.. There was a girl who called me 3 weeks ago
with a subscription offer on the paper and she promised to find out
if the paper was available on tape. It's the only way I can get any
use of the paper, being extremely dyslectic…
This is where the sales guy gets completely puzzled. The only
thing he was able to communicate was:
Sales guy: well, Eh, yes… I don't really know… Tape… How?...
That's… That's…
Me: Hasn't the girls told you? That's most disappointing. She
promised!
Sales guy: I'm.. I'm really sorry.. But I can get my boss to
contact you with an answer, if…
Me: That would be great.. That's a deal then. Have a nice
evening.
Sales guy: Eh… Thanks..
Now I'm waiting for the subscription sales guy's boss to call me..
He he
Summing up: I still have my wife, kids, car, dog and canary. And
I'm not dyslectic (I apologise if I've offended anyone…)
Jesper L..
From Rune Mørk
10th of February at 6.30 pm, this late [!], I - god help me - get
a phone call and this is what happened
The phone rings.
Sales guy:We're calling you because studies have shown that 75% of
all small and medium sized companies use HP-printers. What do you
use?
Me: I don't use prindets!
Sales guy:Eh… Then what do you do instead?
Me: I use a crayon to take handwritten copies from the
screen.
Sales guy: Ah, yes, that's a possibility too. I guess I don't have
anything else to talk to you about, goodbye.
Me: Goodbye.
That's the way to do it!!
More from Rune....
And another:
21.30 the phone rings.
Me: It's Rune
Them: Hello, this is from Animal Protection. Do you know Animal
Protection?
Me: (too obvious), I don't use protection.
Them: Eh (giggling), well I understand that you don't want to talk
to us.
Me: Yeah.
They hung up
I guess the sales guy got some fun out of this one as well.
From Christian Knudsen
I've just succesfully used the following:
S: The person responsible for mobile phones?
CK: We don't use mobile phones
S: So you don't have any mobilephones?
CK: Sure we do
>em>S: How many?
CK: 7
S: Who's your supplier?
CK: We don't use suppliers
S: Then what about your mobile phones ?
CK: We only use them for looking important in the trains and
airports
S: Sorry to have disturbed you
and then they hung up.
From Holger Foskjær
Sales guy: Hello this is from Jyllandsposten may I disturb
you?
Answer: Maybe - is this about subscribing for the Jyllands
plague?
Sales guy: Yes
Answer: We don't use The Jyllands plague
Sales guy: Well, I won't use more of your time then. Sorry for
disturbing - goodbye.
Answer: Thanks - goodbye.
Regards
Holger Foskjær
From Paul Schiøtt
After it was recommended to me I look at your web-site a couple of
days ago, and I have benefited from the idea already.
Good evening this is XX from Orange, is this Paul Schiøtt, the
owner of Schiøtt Text.
Speaking
May I disturb you a moment?
Yes, of course.
We'd like to give a couple of mobile phones away
We don't use mobile phomes here
Eh…Why not?
We use carrier pigeons instead. We've discovered that they're fare
more efficient. Better connection because they're not depending on
where the broadcasters are placed.
Ehhhh?
But if you have a good offer on pigeon food I'm very
interested.
Ehh… I don't think we have that… Have a pleasant evening
Thanks.
Click
From Kamille, hotel receptionist in Århus
This is something I can use (wiping away a few tears from
laughter)
From Tomas
For a while I received several phone calls on my mobile from
different mobile companies. I began answering that:"I don't use
mobile phones". A few of them asked me how they'd contacted me? I
answered: "I use telepathy, now get out of my head".
From Anders
Hi WeDoNotUse.dk
Thanks for a really funny site. I've been amused by it since the
first time I saw it. I've been waiting with excitement for the
first sales guy to call me. It happened the other night.
Good evening! This is XXX from Codan Insurance. Our insurance
agent would like to talk to you about some insurances.
But we don't use insurances.
well - (she's a bit quiet)
No - we don't have anything valuable anyway!
Well - well goodbye then.
It was quite funny hearing her reaction. Men the funniest thing
was my wife's reaction. She had overheard the conversation - not
knowing what it was about - while she was watching television on
the sofa. She was completely wasted from laughing. Afterwards I was
a bit disappointed that I'd managed to finish the conversation so
quickly - next time I have to improvise a bit more.
Regards
Anders
From Belinda
This "weDoNotUse"-concept really gets around. Today I received an
e-mail from my good friend Søren with a link to WeDoNotUse.dk with
a request to check it out, cause it was really funny - and he's
right about that!!!
I've resently used the method to get rid of a Super Sales
guy.
Me: "fCompany-name", Hello.
Super Sales Guy: I'd like to talk to the person responsible for
marketing
Me: We don't have such a person.
Super Sales Guy: Then I'd like to talk to the manager, as he'd be
the one taking care of it then
Me: I don't think you'll have much luck there either, as we don't
use marketing at all.
Super Sales Guy: Why not?
Me: Well, we administrated a statutory arrangement and it's not
really worth the while.
Super Sales Guy: Are you sure?
Me: YES, the MOT-companies don't advertise for MOT-tests either,
do they?
Super Sales Guy: Ah, no, well then I'm not going to waste more of
your time
Me: Thanks.
Love Belinda
From Jesper Haure Norrevang
Below I report what I wrote to my bank woman when se wanted to
re-mortgage to part-payment free loans in order to free more money
for consuming and at the same time re-lay credit card debts and
debt at the grey market. It's not exactly in the spirit of
"WeDoNotUse" cause it took a while to write.
On the other hand it was fun.
Part-payment free loans are good for us and bad for other because
the loans a used to buy flast which the buyer couldn't afford had
it not been for these kind of loans. Since the amount of
real-estate in Copenhagen isn't increased notably the real-estate
prices are going up.
People how have been in the real-estate marcet for years benefit
from it. We get a lot of free value in our houses and are able to
re-mortgage and so forth. This creates a social gap which is
completely unnessecary, so let's get rid of the government that
introduced this at the next election. We don't use anti-social
governments.
part-payment free loans are not the solution for us. We both have
well-paid jobs, our time fixed payment is small compaired to other
in the building. We have the necessary financial surplus to save up
money in the flat without lacking anything in our everyday life.
Therefore we don't use part-payment free loans.
The purpose of re-mortgage is to get by cheaper without having to
pay of on the loans anymore. We don't use re-mortgaging to push our
debts out in to the future.
Our financial situation is based on the philosophy that no matter
what we do, there has to be a certain element of saving up in what
we do. We don't use longer loans for new advantages.
Credit cards and petty debts is not good. Spending time on forming
a general view on the economy at many bank accounts is fun, when
the economy is good. On the other hand it is impossible and
non-motivating to form a general view of these accounts if your
economy is bad. The number of accounts must be limited to be
practical and clear. Therefore we do not use credit card and other
kinds of petty debts.
Should a need of financing of some item occur you talk to your
bank about it. If the bank doesn't want to go along with the
financing then it's because it's a bed idea. The grey market is
filled with cheaters who use usury and random fees. Therefore we do
not use the grey market.
Look further on www.vibrugerikke.dk if necessary.
Let's talk together sometime. We do afterall use a bank .
Kind regards
Jesper
From the association of alternative
therapists
Hi
Thanks for an inspiring web-site - entertaining and with a lot of
thing to reflect on.
I found your web-site when looking for some tips on phone sales -
so that's putting the cart before the horse.
Best regards
Povl Sørensen
From Sidsel Kofoed
We came across your web-site after a pretty excited incident with
"Erhvervsregistreringen" (a fake registration of industry). -
Hilarity was complete! The following conversation took place
today.
"Hello, this is … from ..., can I speak to the person responsible
for marketing?"
"We don't use that here!"
"Ehh.. What? But how do you make people notice you.?"
"We don't have to!"
"Everybody has to…"
"You found us anyway!??"
"Well.. But...Goodbye then"
We thank you very much for the inspiration - & especially for
a lot of good laughs!
Regards
Sidsel Kofoed
More from Sidsel
"Hello you're talking to … from Super Best (a Danish supermarket).
I'm calling to ask if you're interested in our vegetable
arrangement."
"No we don't use that in the company.
We have a colleague who has a turnip field & he supplies us
with carrots & swede."
"Well?? Ehhh, goodbye then..!"
And a little more from Sidsel - "Even though it's a sign of
weakness ;-)"
"Hello, my name is …, & I'm calling from XX Headset. May I
steal a little of your time?"
I'm already rather annoyed, so I grump back:
"What's this about?"
"Headset…." The annoyance doesn't fade, since I could have guessed
from the company name.
"We don't use that here.
We've hired a bunch of school girls who comes in after school and
holds our phones."
It's completely silent in the other end of the phone, then a
giggling starts…
"He he.. Okay, well can I send you our catalogue?!"
I take pitty on the poor sales guy.
"All right then."
From Troels Wad
Thanks for the site which has made my life a managing director of
my own company a lot easier!
The other day I received a phone call from Falck who wanted to
sell me a first aid kit and a fire extinguisher...
We don't use that here!
Many regards
Troels Wad
Stuen TV
From Søren Ravn
I haven't used the We do not use method yet, but I had a funny
experiense with a consultant from a company who's name I
unfortunately can't remember. The consultant called and offered me
a marketing spot on their web-site. This was a new concept to me so
I asked him to deepen which he did. It's something about making
sure that you're put yourself first in line when somebody is using
a certain search criteria on the conventional search pages. I had a
little trouble understanding how he could guarantee med that and
asked him to call back ten minutes later.
So he did.
I explained to him that I - in the meantime - har written the
concept marketing spot at Google and the company he represented
didn't pop up at all. He became flurried and used computer problems
and updating of their homepage as an excuse and said he'd look into
it.
I haven't heard from him since.
Kind regards
Søren Ravn
From Anders Rasmussen
At our company I'm the youngest trainee and have been put in
charge of using good excuses to getting rid of sales people.
Using "We Do Not Use" is causeing constant amusement.
The latest was from the Company X who sells lifts.
Sales guy: Hello, I'm calling from the company ... could I speak
to the person responsible for buying lifts?
AR: He's not here at the moment, but you're not going to get much
out of it anyway - we don't use lifts"
Sales guy:Aren't you shipping agents?
AR: yeah, but we change our trainees every third month
Sales guy:Ehh - but you do load trucks, right?
AR: Yeah - the trainees do and if it's larger trucks we have an
arrangement with some Polish guys ....
Sales guy:: Ehh - well then I'm not going to disturb you any
more.
So Thank for the inspiration.
I had one yesterday - but that was lightening so there's no way I
can take credit for that one, just thank you for
inspiration/reading out loud =)
Best regards
Anders Rasmussen
From Ronni Nielsen
I work in a store. A sales guy calls.
Sales guy: I'd like to talk to the one responsible for buying
toner for the Xerox.
Ronni : Ve don't have a Xerox machine (I supose it should be we
don't use that here)
Sales guy: Ehh... Then what do you do when you need to take a copy
of something... You've got tp do that once in a while ?!
Ronni : Ve we have a long-term unemployed who makes handwritten
copies if we need it!
Sales guy: NO... really??
Ronni : Yep, and it save us A LOT of money on unnecessary
copies!
Sales guy: Unbelievable, - ehhh, goodbye.
Best regards
Ronni Nielsen
From Søren
Following procedure has been tested and works. The premise is a
lacking memory
Sales guy: I'm calling from xxx, can I talk to the person
responsible for purchase?
Buyer: That's me. (It always is)
Sales guy: The sales speech starts (if it gets too long I
interrupt)
Buyer: Is this regarding sales?
Sales guy: Yes
Buyer: In that case I'm not interested!
Sales guy: May I ask why?
Buyer: Yes!
Sales guy: Why?
Buyer: We don't use that!
Sales guy: Why not ?
Buyer: Is this regarding sales? (with an uncomprehending voice)
?
Sales guy: YES!
Buyer: We don't use that
Either the sales guy stops here and says thank you (which is the
most common thing). Otherwise you can always go back to the
beginning
Best regards
Søren
From Jesper F. Christensen
Sales guy asked: Can I spend 2 minutes of your time telling you
about our insurances?
I answered: We don't use insurances.
Sales guy: Then, what do you do?
Me: We're self-insured.
Sales guy: Hmm, that sounds interesting. I'd like to know more
about that - like what do you do if you have a break in?
Me: We don't use break ins.
Sales guy: Hmm, you don't use break ins?
Me: No, everything we own can be stolen.
Sales guy: Well, goodbye then.
Regards Jesper F. Christensen
From Susan Ejby
Accidentally came across We do not use via TDC (Danish telephone
company). After a long day at work yesterday I was a bit tired this
morning, but now I've simply laughed the weariness away. I'm
already looking forward to implementing the ideas and I hope to get
a sales guy on the phone really soon.
Many regards
Susan Ejby
From Christian Mønsted
A kind lady form sonofon (a larger Danish mobile company) called
today:
"are you the one responsible for telephony?"
"We don't use telephony "
"You don't use mobile telephony?"
"No, we use short-wave radio!"
"Well, the company name is net-production, so it's something
special I guess?"
"Yes"
"Well, goodbye then".
I guess this is the fastest I've ever gotten rid of sales guy...
It wasn't too difficult keeping up appearances, it was more
difficult hanging up before the entire office burst out in
laughter....
Christian Mønsted, system administrator
From Mikael Pedersen
Here's a true story which is about 10-15 years old. It's not
exactly similar to "We Do Not Use...", but still pretty
effective.
In my parents. Old house we had a cat that ran out into the fields
and caught mice pretty often. For the cat the most fun thing it
could do was brining the mice back to the house alive so the entire
family could help chasing it. One day our cat har brought back a
mouse and led it out in the living room. After both cat and people
had chasen the mouse arounf the cat gave up and therefore it was up
to me, my brother and my mum and dad, so we ran around the living
room when the phone rang. My father stopped the mouse hunt and
answered it:
Animal Protection: Hello, this is X from Animal Protection. I'm
calling to ask you if you'd be interested in supporting our
foundation?"
My father (Not thinking about his answer): "You know what, I
simply don't have the time right now, I'm killing a mouse!"
Animal Protection; "Right, in that case I won't trouble you any
further…"
...Animal Protection has never called us again...
Regards
Mikael Pedersen
From Solvej Rasmussen
Thanks you so much for several good laughs ¡V from me, my friends
and my family ƒº If you can use it I¡¦d like to add an experience
HI once had with a lady from an opinion-research institute. -It¡¦s
not completely identical with your stories, cause the lady was a
bit more persistent¡K It happened like this:
Ms. X: Hello, this is Ms X, I¡¦m calling from XXX opinion-research
institute, we¡¦re researching the Danes television habits for the
company XYZ. Can I have a minute of your time?
Solvej: Sure. (I¡¦m usually driven by curiosity)
Ms. X: I now mention some TV-programs which have been shown within
the last 5 days and you just tell me which ones you¡¦ve seen.
Solvej: I haven¡¦t seen television the last 5 days.
Ms. X: First one is Wednesday night. ¡VIt¡¦s the broadcasts A, B,
C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J....
Solvej: I haven¡¦t seen television the last 5 days.
Ms. X: Well, then we have Thursday night. ¡VIt¡¦s the broadcasts
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J....
Solvej: I haven¡¦t seen television the last 5 days.
Ms. X: Well, then it¡¦s Friday night. ¡VIt¡¦s the broadcasts A, B,
C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J....
Solvej: I still haven¡¦t seen television the last 5 days.
Ms. X: Firs tone is Wednesday night. ¡VIt¡¦s the broadcasts A, B,
C, D, E....
Solvej: I haven¡¦t seen television at all the last 5 days!!
Ms. X: Not even Sunday night, where they showed A, B, C, D, E, F,
G,....
Solvej: Trust me: I really haven¡¦t seen television the last 5
days!
Ms. X: Hten I¡¦ll say thank you for letting use your time, have a
nice day
Solvej: (Mumbling some finishing politelynesses in a bitening
tone, while I was thinikng something not mentionable about
extreemely slow employees at opinion-research institutes.)
-And NOW, severeal years and an internet later, I ofcourse know
that I should have said, we don¡¦t use television here!"
Thank you ¡V Now I think I¡¦ll get the last word next time!
;-)
Regards
Solvej Rasmussen