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IDEAS AND VARIATIONS

From Camilla F

Hi,

I tried your method, but the salesperson was able to counter it.

Salesperson: "Hi, this is ... from ..., would you like to buy some toner?"

Me: "No. We don't use toner."

Salesperson: "Don't you have any laser printers?"

Me: "No. We don't use laser printers."

Salesperson: "And what about inkjet printers?"

Me: "No. We don't use any printers."

Salesperson: "So what do you do when you need a printout of something?"

Me: "Oh, we just write it by hand." (At this point I started to giggle quietly. Maybe the salesperson heard it and started to suspect something.)

Salesperson: "Oh, ok. Can I introduce you to our new line of ballpoint pens?"

At this point, we both started to laugh.

In the end, the salesperson told me that they don't sell ballpoint pens, but he just had to say that - and he thanked me for making his boring day a bit more interesting.


From LcNessie

Having a phone with caller-ID, whenever it would show an anonymous number, the odds were astronomically high it would be a tele-marketeer. Having a wireless DECT phone, I would kneel down next to my (relatively) noisy computercase, and answer with:

"XYZ Datacenter, are you calling for the Exchange/Battlefield/Web/Whatever server crash?! We are aware and working on it at the moment!"

It'll really confuse the person on the ohter side... >:)


From Steven Duhon

Hello from small town Indiana in the U.S.A. When my wife and I were first married we moved into a small rented house. We somehow got onto a phone list for home improvement services. We were constantly getting calls for new roofs, windows or siding. I discovered that if I spoke *two words* to these vendors, very quickly, even interrupting their sales pitch, they would hang up almost instantaneously.

Typical call:

Vendor: Hello Sir. We are calling to tell you about a great sale we currently having on new replacement windows we have for your house. These are energy efficent .....
Me: (interrupting) We rent.
Vendor: dial tone.

No vendor wants to waste time trying to sell to the person who cannot purchase their product.

This worked so well I continued to use it after we moved into the house we purchased.


From Abbey Farmer

This was from my late father, who would have giggled til he was red in the face over this website.
We own a small company and we have the phone switched to our house after business hours.
Some company called to sell us cell phones in the middle of dinner.

"Hello! I'd like to talk to the person who purchases cell phones for your company"

"We're Amish"

"oh....Ok then!"

Or his infamous

"Hello! I'd like to sell you some new software"

"Will it run on my IBM 8088(circa 1987)?"

"No sir.. it will not"

"Is it compatiable with Windows 2.0?"

"No sir.. it is not"

"Then thanks! but we can't use your product"


Oh.. he did things like that all time. I hope in time I can fill his shoes, confusing telemarkets one day at a time.


From Rissa

You're AWESOME. I found your site through UserFriendly.org (you're Link of the Day today) and I'm going to start using these techniques at home! Let's see how far those broadband salesmen get THEN! (Previously I had to set my little sister on them... middle-aged men get quite worried when a cute little schoolgirl starts trying to befriend them down the phone... they're soon eager to hang up...)


From Shimon Goldberg

I am the Facilities Director at a small property (A non-profit assisted living facility. Because we are small, I am also the food service director and the network administrator - usually I am the first one in the office and I will answer the phone in the morning.

Ring ring: Cohen Home.

Salesman: Hi this is Bob from xyz, I have the information from last week for your maintenance supervisor.

Me: What information?

Bob: I have all the pricing for the electrical components from the conversation last week. I forgot his name, can I talk to the person in charge of maintenance?

Me: That would be me Bob.

Bob: No, I mean the person in charge of purchasing for that department.

Me: That would be me.

Bob: Sorry, I don't want to talk to the receptionist, I need to speak with the person in charge of facilities or maintenance.

Me: I'm the facilities director.

Bob: Oh, so you're telling me that they have the director of facilities answering the phone?

Me: That's right.

Bob: Ok whatever. Let me talk to the IT administrator, maybe he's the one I spoke with.

Me: Speaking.

Bob: NO, not the person who answers the phone! I need to talk with the guy in charge of purchasing IT equipment.

Me: Speaking.

Bob: Oh, so you're the facilities director, the IT admin., and you have time to answer phones?

Me: Right.
(Bob's been getting more irritated by the minute!)

Bob: So basically you're just going to claim to be whoever I ask to speak with.
Look, let me talk to the maintenance supervisor.

Me: That would be me Bob.

Bob: Look, I don't have time for this, I mean the guy I spoke with last week!

Me: Well, Bob, that would have been me and we never spoke last week.

Bob: Are you calling me a liar?

Me: No. I'm just saying that if you had called you would have been routed to me and I'm quite sure that we have never spoken.

Bob: So you are calling me a liar!

Me: Good bye Bob.

(Now this is really the best part, 15 seconds later)

Ring ring: Hello, Cohen Home.

Bob: DON'T YOU EVER HANG UP ON ME! I'M NOT SCREWING AROUND HERE!

Me: Good bye Bob.

I am not sure if Bob understood that, when one's bluff is called, yelling at the potential customer is probably not the best way to get a sale.


From Jennifer

Hi, I'm with xzy inc., and we'd like to interest you in a magazine subscription.

Really? What magazines do you have?

We have People, Time, Newsweek...

Tell me about the People magazine!

(short blurb about People magazine).

Well, what about Time?

(short blurb about Time).

How about Newsweek?

(short blurb about Newsweek).

No, what other magazines do you have?

(long list, along with requested blurbs about each and every one of them). So, what magazines are you interested in purchasing?

Oh, sorry, I can't read.

(click)


From Vince

Some years ago we had our vacation on the Canary Islands, where they try to sell you timsharing appartments. Two guys approach tourists in the high street and ask you what language you speak. English? Deutsch? Francais? Espanol? etc.
My response: Esperanto!
Silence......


From Daniel

Hi,
I share a flat with 5 people. And one of the girls is responsible for the phone so her name is in the phonebook. When a telemarketer (TM) is calling and I answer the phone. Usually it's like that:

TM: Hello Mr. (Last Name of the girl)
My answer: I don't know a Mr. (Last Name of the girl).
TM: So you must be her friend?
My answer: No. I'm not.
TM: Who are you? What's your name?
My answer: I won't tell you. I don't want to end in your database.

Usually they give up at that point.


From anonomous

Mine is about cultural differences:

Danish clients usually have a continental approach to a sales person - we don't buy it because you are a sales person.

Norwegians do think through and answer the SPIN questions, but not always buy the products.

Finnish don't answer, no-one has a clue whether they like the products but, by the end of it, they shortly say yes and no and that is WONDERFUL.

Swedes...don't answer SPIN because can't take a position, don't tell they do not want to be approached because they don't want to say no and don't say yes or no because they don't like decisions!


From René C Olsen

Cool site

I usually say we're bankrupt and are waiting ofr all our things to be picked up. My daughter doesn't get any Christmas presents and everything sucks. They typically loose interest in selling me stuff ;o)...



More from Merete Gøhler

Hello, I'm calling from x Company, I'd like to speak to the person responsible for advertising.
Secretary: I'm afraid that's not possible. We're all irresponsible



From Jesper Lindholdt

News paper seller: Hello do you read news papers?

Jesper Lindholdt: Sure I do.

News paper seller: May I ask which kind of news paper?

Jesper Lindholdt: You may?

News paper seller: ???? Ehhhh Which paper???

Jesper Lindholdt: Exchange and Mart!

I don't recall how the conversation ended (it's a few years ago now), but the sales gyu became pretty speechless....


From Thomas

Me: This is Thomas.

Him: Hello, this is X. I'm calling from Politiken (Danish news paper). For the moment we have a good offer on the paper.

Me: I don¨t read news papers, I get my news online.

Him: Yes, but the online news aren't as profound as the ones in the papers.

Me: Yeah, well that's all right. I'm pretty shallow

Him: ....

This is where my friend, who was sitting in the back started laughing, so I wasn't able to hold it any more and started laughing a bit. In order to finish the conversation I passed him on to my girl friend:

Me: You might want to call my girl friend later. She's less shallow and has cats.

Him: Ok, I'll try that (click)



From Mads

Hi WeDoNotUse

Funny site, really entertaining stories… med! There's always a but :o)

I used to work with telephone sales a couple of years ago and since with opinion polls by telephone for a short while and damn it's changed the way I treat telephone sellers when I got a call from them, now that I'm having my own company!!

What we - as business people - may learn respecting each other and each others occupation. Trust me, a sales consultant has a life, he might even have a funnier life than you!! How? Well, when your doing telephone sales you're surrounded by men and women, and being a young kid surrounded by gorgeous women in the age 17-24 isn't exactly bad ;-) Not to mention the after hours fun!!

Rethink your rejections, and yes, if you really don't need the product or service someone's trying to sell you, then it's extremely annoying if the person in the other end is being persistent.

But let us for a moment look at why they're persistent. Typically the seller is met by a "not interested" or, well yes: We don't use…" within the first 20 seconds he he. Thereby the sales consultant reaches a point where he just wants to explain to the customer, what he's selling. From then on it's a bad circle

This can be dealt with in a different matter, which often leaves you with a better feeling (I'm talking to YOU the business man) it is after all a bit nicer to have had a nice conversation or a smile on your face due to a funny comment.

The other day I received a phone call from a guy selling toner. I'd just bought new toner, being a photographical journalist I use quit a lot for printing presentations etc.

A quick calculation told me that his discount would still make him 1800 kroners more expensive pr. toner then my present supplier and the conversation of course ended with a "have a nice day" from him and a "good luck with the hunt" from me.

Another incident was an insurance sales guy from Alka (Danish Insurance Company) who wanted to sell me a car insurance. First I got rid of him pretty easily by telling him that Alka had tried before, but they didn't want to insure me after all. He was of course surprised by that and inquired why ... but since I'm 21 years old and am driving a 2.0 TDI with 165 HP it was easy to convince him that they probably didn't want to go there :o)

The skilled seller continued however (I've got to give him that,, he was pretty fast) "Such a car must be pretty expensive, I have a product called salary insurance…" I answered him that I''m independent... "Well=?! but ehm then I don't actually think I can help you "... have a nice evening!

Another incidence was when a consultant from dba.dk (Exchange and Mart in Denmark) called me. He could see that we were spending quit a bit of money (AND time) on advertising in different categories because we were administrating it by ourselves via an online account. If we'd like to make a business deal, be permanently placed in the different relevant categories and get rid of having to re input them online every week, And save a lot of money + buying advertising space which we didn't have access to via our account. We ended up with an agreement which cost 25.000kr. and saved me around 30-40.000/pr year compared to ordinary price!

So you see, it is actually possible to be polite and sympathetic person to sales consultants and sometimes even, if you give these people two minutes of your time, end up saving a lot of money! And don't worry it usually only takes a minute or so, if you don't need the product, is that too much to ask for? It's about 1/5 of the time it takes to get to the coffee machine and fill your cup ;o)

Good "hunt" everybody.


From Ole Frederiksen

I usually use following:

Salesman: This is from XXX. May I disturb you for a second? (or something similar )

Me: Yes, as long as you're not trying to sell me something, I'm ok talking to you!

Salesman: (typically) Well, goodbye then…

If the salesman starts his sales speech you're entitled to get mad...


From Torben Møller Nielsen

My wife's a psychologist and she uses all her professional techniques in conversations with telephone salespeople. It might take some time, but on the other hand it usually gets hilariously fun. It's simply a matter of letting the salesperson talk while you say as little as possible, which means: nothing. A typical conversation usually goes on like this:

Wife: This is xxx

Salesman: bla, bla, bla free offer from bla bla bla

Wife:.....

Salesman: (3 seconds later): bla bla bla you save bla bla

Wife:.....

Salesman: (5 seconds later in a more entreating voice): bla bla good offer, eh?

Wife:.....

Salesman: (5 seconds later in a more gentle and questioning voice): Haloo, anyone there?

Here you can either choose to say yes and let it go on for a while or you can be old-school Freud and say:....
:-)


From Leon

I have a completely different strategy, but I will amuse myself by trying your method next time, I get the chance.

Our strategy is:

Hello, I'd like to speak to the financial manager.

Do you know his name?

No.

If you've got something to sell, all you've got to do is send it to the financial manager, and if he needs it he'll contact you.

...

It's very efficient, although not as funny. My strategy towards people who KNOW my name is: NO THANKS!!!

But...

NO THANKS!!!


From J. Thomsen

I received a phone call from Gyldendal's (Danish publisher) book club.

Her: Good evening I'm calling from Gyldendal's book club. We have a campaign offer for you, which consists of bla bla bla… Does that sound interesting to you?

Me: No

Her: Oh… so you're not interested in book?

Me: sure

Her: So why won't you accept this fabulous offer?

Me: Because I prefer picking my own books...

Her: oh… right - would there be anyone else in the house I can talk to?

Me: maybe...

Her: Do you think they might be interested ?

Me: It. No my Ginny pig prefers the news paper in it's cage…


From Rudi P

Like so many others we're tormented by super fresh telephone salespeople… We're a wholesale company selling digital dishes and accessories and for most of the dishes we also deliver cap nuts that can be fixed using your fingers - also known as butterfly-nuts…I simply invented the excuse: "He's not in right now. He's in a meeting with the purchaser of butterfly-nuts "...! Typically it was followed up by complete silence in the other end of the line and it usually ends with:
Well, it's probably best not to disturb him right now then. Goodbye"…

But I think it's a cool idea with this site. I'll definitely use it…


From Kim

I'm usually happily spared for telephone salespeople in my everyday life, but recently (before I' heard about We Do Not Use) I received a phone call from an English speaking fraudulent broker unofficial bankier who wanted to sell me foreign securities.

My prompt response that I didn't have any money to invest: "Because I'd just gone through a divorce and my ex-wife had ruined me…" must have been a sensitive subject because he immediately left me alone.



From Maria

When a salesman calls: (this one might come in handy if you're out and some bugger comes over because he thinks his God's gift to women)

Hi, this is Smart Alec something from XXX.. I'd like to speak to the person responsible for IT?

That's me, but I REALLY have to sh… Could you call back later?


From JMP


Telephone salesman calls:
I have a few questions, is that ok ?
I answer: Sure as long as you're not going to inquire after my money.
Salesman: I'll say goodbye then

It can be done as elegant as that!



From Torben Frederiksen

As a private person you often suffer from eager telephone salespeople.
"We Do Not Use" is efficient, but recent I accidentally discovered a lightening-fast method

The phone rings.
Me: This is Torben
Phone: This is from the society for the prevention of animal cruelty
Me: I'm watching football
Phone: Sorry, bye!

It's never been easier. The salesman immediately knows that if he's disturbing a man during a football match, he'll buy NOTHING.
The method is hereby passed on.


From Jørn Sørensen

When I receive a phone call, I've had a lot of pleasure expressing great pleasure receiving a call from a salesman, since I'm currently making a study of the working conditions for telephones salespeople JI kindly ask them if I may take 45 minutes of their time for the examination?

So far no one has shown interest, but someone would, I'm ready: "How satisfied are you with you work on a scale from 1 to 18, where 18 is best and 1 is worst?"… and so on.

You could of course also say that on behalf of the opinion poll company/sales company they're working for has been asked to make a quality assessment of the salespeople's work and then come up with some relevant questions as you go along.
Just an idea!


From X.A. Nielsen

Hi

I don't know if this is relevant for the web-site

The other day a salesman from Jyllandsposten (One of the largest Danish news papers)

JP: Hello, this is from JyllandsPosten, I have a good offer for you.
XA: But I don't read news papers,
JP: It's a really great offer? I can't tempt you?
XA: I'm not tempted by anyone but my husband
JP: he he, yeah I didn't really mean it like that.
XA: What's the offer about?
JP: Well, you can have it every Sunday for 6 months for X kroner.
XA: If you can't make it better than I had it 10 years ago, I'm not interested.
JP: What do you mean?
XA: I got it for free then.
JP: For FREE??? How?
XA: I used to be one of your morning slaves delivering papers for a lousy pay
JP: Ah, well the pay's better now, can I sell the paper to you?
XA: Yes, if I can have It for free.
JP: But, you can't.
XA: In that case I want spend more of your time, goodbye and good luck with your customer hunt
JP: Rather confused… Thanks you too.

He didn't really consider that I wasn't about to go out and hunt customers. But it is funny fooling around with the poor salesmen.

I know it doesn't have anything to do with the WeDoNotUse-method. But this is how I get rid of salespeople.



From Per Madsen

When people selling news paprs call I usually play the part as refugee from Bosnia. Pretending to have changed my name to a Danish one in order to be well-integrated in Danish society… but who still can't speak Danish:

Salesgirl: Hello, this is Rikke Jensen from Berlingske Tidende. May I disturb you for a second?!

Me: yeees

Salesgirl: I'd like to ask you if you read one of our three papers once in a while, Berlingske Tidense, B.T. or Weekendavisen?!

Me: Nooe....me read engineer… yes?!

After that they typically end the conversation pretty quickly....



From an anonymous writer

This web-site is entertaining but actually unnecessary.

If you're contacted on your home address contact central person registration and get your name on the Robinson list.

It works - apart from a few exceptions - and I never get to use you prevention methods.

If you can do this same by contacting the CBR is another question...


From Steen Jensen

Hi.

We're a small family business where both my wife and I are taking care of accounts, coffee machines and cleaning.
A salesman calls:
Are you satisfied with your cleaning?
Answer: No, it's basically sloppy, superficial and too rare.
The salesman smells gold.
Yes the quality is often too bad, when you rely on small unprofessional local suppliers. May I ask sho takes care of your cleaning???
Answer: "I do!!!"

A long and continuous silence, then finally a very mild:
"Well, goodbye"
That caused a lot of laughter that summer.


From Christian M

I've used the following answer in a warehouse to a salesman from road service:

S: Do you have a car?
C: Yes
S: Do you have a subscription for road service?
C: No
S: What do you do when you're car won't start?
C: It starts every time
S: Imagine that you're coming out to the parking lot and the car WON'T start
C: It definitely WILL
S: But imagine it won't
C: Then I'll buy a new car

That made him give up.


From Jette Wind

Some analysis institute called and asked to speak to the oldest person in the household. Since I know my husband doesn't like these thing I answered: "I'm afraid that's not possible, he died 3 years ago "

From Sune Gasberg

Hi there.

I've just seen your web-site for the first time half an hour ago on TDC.DK (the largest phone company in Denmark) and I've been laughing since.

I have a method that I often use to get rid of telephone salespeople.
It may not be fantastically quick, although sometimes it's actually really quick, but most of the time, the salesmen get even more eager to sell me something than he was in the beginning, and if ha actually does have something I need, I usually get it REALLY cheap.
Furthermore it's hilariously fun hearing the salesman's reaction when he's completely outplayed.
The procedure is simple..., whatever the salesman tries to sell, you already buy somewhere else only cheaper and better.
It was only last week that a salesman called from a company selling printer cartridge (can't remember the name but there are so many of them these days)

Me:(company name).. Sune speaking

Salesman: Hello, my name is XXX I'm calling from the company XXX, and I have an incredibly good offer on printer cartridge for your company? (long speech before you're actually allowed to speak)

Me: ehh.. Brother and Lexmark

Salesman: Yes, do you know the name of the models?

Me: Brother HL-1250 bla.

Salesman: Okay, then I've just the right cartridge for you sir. We've recently introduced a new kind of environmentally concerned cartridge which gives you about 10.000 pages contra the 6.000 pages you usually get out of a cartridge, which you probably know, and if you buy two I can sell it to you for only 589,-

Me: No thanks, it sounds like a bad deal for me, I only pay 399,- at my local office supplier and I get 12-14.000 pages out of it.

Salesman: That doesn't sound right. Are you sure you're not confusing it with something else?

Me: No, of course it's right, when I say so. I bought one yesterday.

Salesman: ahh well yes then, have a nice day sir.

Me: You too...


At least he was polite. If they're not polite I usually don't have that much patience.

I've used this method on a lot of salespeople; some of them get more eager than others...

After I've discovered this web-site I'm looking forward to the next call from a salesman, so I can use the WDNU method.
It's nice that the world is filled with telephone salespeople… so we can take a laugh at their expense.

Thanks for a funny and inspiring site.

This kind of share is a good tool in the fight against telephone salespeople who're trying to take over world supremacy ;o)


From Maj-Britt Brocelius

I have two examples from Jyllandsposten (Danish newspaper).
I was polite at first and tried to get rid of the salesman and if they went on, I just told them that it was the most boring newspaper I'd seen so far (even though I'm from Jutland, where the newspaper is from). Typically that works.

In the second version I've cut the conversation down to a minimum; I interrupt the salesman and ask if he wants to sell me a subscription and since that's usually the case I simply tell him, that I can save both him and me a lot of time then, because I find the newspaper extremely boring and I don't want a subscription no matter how long is sales speech is…
That helps; I haven't received any calls from Jyllandsposten for a long time.


From Alice Hvid

A salesman from...xx... says:

Hello. You're talking to......
I say:
No I'm not

And then I hang up.


From Jacob

From time to time Kalundborg Folkeblad calls me regarding a subscription for their local newspaper and it was typically during dinner or after nine o'clock.

Salesman: "Good evening I'm calling from Kalundborg folkeblad"

Me: "You know what I've just got something cooking in the kitchen and it's about to burn "

Salesman: "Well ok, can I call back some other time then?"

Me: "Sure - sleep tight!"

And that's the end of that conversation. The funniest thing however is if they're calling at a time, where people don't usually cook. ;)


From Erik Kall

One of our close friends had another procedure.
He got a call one night ond was offered to change his windows to dubble glas (He lives in England). Ha answers very interested and asks questions like: Is that as directed in the new rt 340 standard or something like that. Several times the salesman has to ask his superior about these things.

After about half an hour comes the question:
Så are you interested in having your windows replaced?
No absolutely not
Why did you spend so much time talking to me then?
I just wanted to prevent some other poor guy from being disturbed during dinner.

After that he didn't receive any more phone calls from salespeople.


From Katja

All too often insurance agents calls with some really good offers on your insurances. In order to make this time-consuming and annoying call as short as possible, just tell them that you are the owner of a Harley Davidson or two. They won't insure that…

From BuG

Thanks for a brilliant site - it's hard not falling down the chair from laughing :)

I have a very short and efficient way of getting rid of annoying salespeople and people like them, it may be a little rude - but they started it.

Next time a salesman calls, let them speak for a bit then ask,

"Excuse me, may I interrupt you?"

When they answer
"eh, yeah",

you just hang up :)

Very few are stupid enough not to get it and call back ;)


From Karsten

I use the short rough version:
For instance: Hello I'm calling from the paper XX, may I disturb you for a second?
"If this is about a subscription I'm not interested"
Salesman: "But, bla bla bla"
I simply interrupt and reply sharply: "I'm not interested". If the salesman continues, I reply really sharply "I'm not interested" . In some situations the salesman tries to get into a dialog:
"why aren't you interested, - or, it cant' be right that you're not interested in saving money?"
I dismiss them roughly with "no interest". If the salesman doesn't get the point after 2 times not interested, I simply hang up, even though he's in the middle of his sales talk. It means that the salesman is out of the phone in less than 30 seconds, and I have no moral scruples being cold and dismissive.


From Michael Alberg

By the way, I have another WDNU-experience - in e reverse version, but that only makes it more fun. :D

3 years ago I was job training in Electric City in Aalborg, where I worked in the information - which among other things mean sitting at the counter.

One day a deaf-mute family comes in - everybody in the family was deaf-mute (what are the odds?), they were going to pay for a washing machine which also had ot be delivered and mounted. So far so good.

I'm starting making the papers for the item - we communicate by pen and paper, which went ok. Since the item had to be delivered and mounted, we had to have a phone number, so that the chauffeurs could call if they were delayed. So by reflex I write "phone number?" to the man and look at him. He looks at me very amazed as if he's thinking: What do you think? I immediately think: Shit, and write "Sorry… old habit" at once, and look at him again. If they hadn't all been deaf-mute I'm sure they'd all have laughed out loud by now.
The father writes back: "Shit happens" and smiles. It's still a bit embarrassing to have asked deaf-mute people about their phone, which they probably wouldn't be able to hear.

But we found a day for delivery and I made an NB for the chauffeur: "NB they're deaf-mute, so you can't call them ". Fortunately they didn't see that NB. They paid and thank for the service. "You're welcome I wrote back". After they'd gone and luckily enough there weren't that many customers left, I just needed to laugh. So much that my manager came over and asked me what the fun was about? I told her and she hurried out into the store to laugh. I received a few comments for that one the months I was there. *G*

Michael Alberg


From Merete Gøhler

Salesman:" Do you know the newspaper X?"
M.: "Yes."
Salesman:" Do you have a subscription for the paper?"
M ."No."
Salesman:" Why not?"
M : "Because I know it!"


From Kasper

Sometimes we receive phone calls frem foreign companies who wants to talk to our manager about company investments.
I always reply that the manager is away on vacation for the next three months.
That keeps the most persistent once away.


From Joan B. Damgaard

One we've used regarding sale of educational CDs.

We're using MC! Goodbye The Stock Exchange...!


From Simona

It was unbelievable, b u tone day 4 guys called.
1. conversation:
-The phones ringing"
-me: Yes, the Hansen family.
-him: Hello, you're talking to X from Jyllandsposten."
-me: Oh, and why am I talking to you?
-him: I'm calling because I have a good offer for you?
-me: Oh, that sounds like you're about to send me 5 Juncker-tickets for free.
-him: No, that a bit of out authority, but you can try Jyllands-posten for en good price for 3 months.
-me: Oh, but I don't read that well, so can't I get the concert tickets instead?
-him: Don't you want to try the paper, you can always call it of again, if you're not satisfied with it.
-me: Enough about those crappy papers.
-The phone: Dut-dut-dut-dut-...
Did he get mad?
I don't think I did anything illegal considering that he was calling with an offer, so I reserved the right to say what I wanted.


From Peter F.

Sometimes I'm lucky to get phone calls from analysis institute who have a couple of questions and it will only take a couple of minutes.

I always answer back with the question: "are you sure it'll only take a few minutes?" And the answer is always: "absolutely sure".

If I'm in a funny mood I say: "Do you want to bet" or "That's what you think ".

The great part is, that after every question you just play for time:

Talk/mumble a little before you answer.

You want the 5 options repeated (only use this one, when the opportunities are described in very long sentences)

Reason why you reply as you do: Which washing powder I use? I use Dynamo, because my grandfather had an extreme allergy and got a really heavy itch if he used anything else than Dynamo, so I chose to use the same.

Which washing powder I use? It's called… Just a minute (put the phone down before they respond in the other end of the line) Shout to someone in the house "Where's the washing powder?.... Because there's someone on the phone who wants to know which kind we use..."

I could go on, and you can really let it go on for ages, but don't overdo it cause then they'll just hang up. I've done this successfully a couple of times where they completed the entire test and the ones who called me must have thought: "What a jerk". It's better than they find out that you've been fooling around with them!

Good hunt!


From Stephen Wilson

I often get phone calls from companies/institutes that just wants to ask a few questions. It could sound like the following:
"Hello, you're talking to "x" from the company "xx". May we ask you a couple of questions?"
I answer quietly and calmly: "What's in it for me?"
Company "xx" answers: "You participate in the general collection of information about the subject and it only takes a minute!"
I ask: "Who's the customer behind the inquiry?"
"xx" answers: "I'm sorry but I can't tell you "... - and with peace in mind I can answer:
"I don't want to participate in that!"

My method has often led to that I've received a DVD or something else, and then I don't mind waisting my time on an inquiry.


From Helle

It's from Jyllandsposten, would you like to be a subscriber?
No thanks, we don't need any toilet paper.


From Robert

I've tried optimizing how fast I can get rid of telephone salespeople without pissing the salesman off. The following has actually turned out to be extremely efficient:
Hello. I'm calling from xxx. I…
- No thanks
But, we…
- No thanks
You're not at all…
- No thanks

What makes it efficient is that you interrupt the salesman BEFORE he's finished his sentence. Most of them give up after being interrupted 1-3 times. With either a happy or a humorous tone of voice it can be done without insulting the salesman. Yes, sometimes the opposite happens!


From Per R. Johnsen

First and foremost thanks for some good laughs and some great ideas.
For my small company (2nd hand bookshop) the problem with telephone salespeople isn't that big - the shop doesn't have a phone!
Have by the way used that excuse to two salesmen from TELE2.
But once in a while, someone calls on the private phone, and this can lead to the strangest conversations.
A young girl introduced herself as XX from Jyllandsposten and wanted to give me a good offer on the paper.
After the initial remarks had been made, I asked her with an interested voice: "..So you work for the paper then?" the young woman answered that she had this job to get a little extra money, while she was studying.
Me: "Oh - what do you study then?" - - -
And the next five minutes we talked about studies and the conditions for students in general.
At the end of the conversation I ended of saying: It was nice talking to you, but I don't have anymore time chatting. Thanks for the talk. Whereupon the salesgirl thanks as well and hangs up.
Now I'm looking forward to next phone call from some salesman, so I can get at chance to test "We Do Not Use"-method".


From Nikolaj Friis Hansen

I've had a phone call from a telemarketing guy, who
"..just wanted to ask if he might disturb me for a moment regarding an offer on…
Since I was in the middle of my favourite pizza which had just arrived I said "NO!!" very firmly and hung up, and I just heard the words "...a news paper " coming out of the phone before it hit the switch.
He never called back :-)


From Terne in Sweden

Thanks for a wonderfull web-site!

In the past I received a phone call on New Years eve from at salesman from The Union of People with Hearing Disabilities.
My version (before I found this site).

S:Hello, this is XX from The Union of People with Hearing Disabilities. Would you be able to make a contribution?

T:What!
S:jI'm calling from...
T:What!
S:Would you...
T:What

And they hung up.

This happen two years in a row.

/Terne


From Eric Lundquist

I usually use the following:

S: Hello, could I speak to the person responsible for xxx?
E: I'm sorry, but he's been fired, he said yes to too many salespeople.
...click!

It's extremely short and thereby extremely fast!

From Finn Mortensen

When everything else fails (some salespeoples basically don't care about "We Do Not Use "...They just keep going), then the following sentence usually finishes the matter:

"Which part of the word NO, didn't you understand?"


From Lars Bech Nygaard

Hiiiiidr hidr... with tears in my eyes and a sore hip from falling down the chair from laughing I just want to tell about my way of rejecting salespeople who sell newspapers over the phone:

S: Good evening, NN from XX, do you subscribe for a newspaper?
L: Yes.
S: Yes, well I have a good offer for XX-paper... bla bla bla...
L:OK, well you know what. I read the official gazette and is fully covered through that!

That usually shuts the salespeople up..!

1001 thanks for the best laugh of the year so far!


From Laila Nymann

This is from a novice:
A salesman calls during primetime:
S: Hello, I'm calling from Fair Insurance. We'd like to offer you an insurance.
L: I don't need that.
S: It concerns an insurance that secures your income, in case you should become unemployed.
L: I don't need that.
S: Why not?
L: I'm not counting on becoming unemployed?
S: Well, then I apologise for the disturbance. Goodbye.


From Kristian Kappel

I love this theme and this web-site. I see it as my obligation to keep these salespeople on the phone for as long as possible, so their phone bill gets sky-high.

My story is a bit old, but here goes:

It was in 1991. I'd just moved in to a new flat and gotten a new phone number. Nobody knew my new number. The place had to be painted and paper-hanged, and then the plaster ceiling needed to be repaired. I infinitively climbed up and down the ladder, really tiresome work. And while I was on the ladder for the 121st time, the phone rings.
S: "Good evening, This is from Berlingske Tidende. Do you know our 3 newspapers?"
K: Eh, - no!
S: Don't you read papers?
K. Nope.
S: Why not?
K: I'm blind
Short break.
S: woops, - I apologize for you.
K: I'm not the one who should apologize - I'm the one who can't see.
S: Goodbye, - and the phone was hung up really quickly. The following Saturday I was at a party at my brother's dorm, and there was an atractive young woman there who told everybody that she'd just gotten a job at a telemarketing company, who were selling newspaper subscriptions for Berlingske Tidende. "And you know ", she said, "last Wednesday I incidentally called a blind man. It was SO embarrassing ". We've laughed a lot about that since.


From Julie

I've never actually tried the "We Do Not Use " method, but have been extensively using another:

Salesman: Hi, I'm calling from XX, may I disturb you for a couple of minutes?

Me: You know what, your colleague's just called me so that's really not necessary!

Salesman: Well, eh, there must have been a mistake in the system. I'm so sorry.

Yep, they buy it every time. And they usually don't call again!

Regards
Julie


From Hans E. Rasmussen

A salesman called me several times without succeeding in capturing me as an insurance customer. But apparently I was a challenge for him, because he kept trying. One day he called back and said:
"Is it really impossible to sell anything to you??"
"Yes," I said.
"But, I'm curious. When you can actually save a lot of money by moving your insurances to our company then why won't you?"
"Because I've been wooed before. It takes a while before the old company lets go of you and just before I switch to the new company I receive a letter telling me that the insurance rate regrettably have been raised. Suddenly the new company becomes more expensive than the old one "
"But if I promise you that that won't happen with me?" he went on.
"Then I'll still say no!"
"But, why?"
"Because I daily work with shipping agents and the only people I know who are more unreliable then them are insurance agents!"
That made him pull back immediately, and so far I haven't heard from him again.


From Tobias

There is a very efficient method towards news paper salespeople.

I tell them my neighbour subscribes and throws it through my letterbox when she's finished it. That saves some paper which is very beneficial for the environment and bla bla.


From Stinne

Hi. After having read the features on this site I was inspired to try myself

me: Hello this is xxx

xx from XX: "Yes hello, this is xx from the company xx, and I'd like tp talk to the one responsible for IT?"

Me (calling out IT guy who referred me to this site, he says that the company XX just wants to sell him a lot of things and asks me to reject him)

Me:" Hello? Our it-responsible has been fired and we're now outsourcing it..

xx from XX: Well, then there's no point in further cooperation unless they outsource to us.

Me: I'm only the temp, so I'm afraid I don't know anything about that.

xx from XX: Well, goodbye then

Me: Goodbye.

It was great, first one down!


From an anonymous writer

Got a phone call form an English speaking broker, apparently from The US who asked about my portfolio and said that he had en incredible hot tip, I hereafter replied: "I've already got pictures of my whole family and we're all on well fare here in good old Denmark!" Then there was a very American dut-dut on the phone!!!

From Christian Vinkler

All hopeful printer cartridge salespeople who try to get in touch with our company usually end up on my phone.

A lot of them try the entrance:
"You've participated in an inquiry about consume of printer cartridge and therefore we'd like to stop by with a present for you"
If I want to get back at a colleague for some practical joke I book an appointment on behalf of the colleague who'll get the pleasure of getting rid of them again.

Inspired by "WeDoNotUse" I've successfully used this one:

"Hello. My name is XX from Company Xx. You've been so kind to participate in an inquiry about consume of printer cartridge and therefore we'd like to stop by with a box of chocolate to show our gratitude"
I'm diabetic and don't eat chocolate
"Eh, I'm sorry, how many printers did you have?"
We don't use printers at all, we write everything by hand.
"eh.eh..." and she hung up.


From Søren I

Hi.

Incredibly funny site for someone like me who also hate telephone salespeople. Here's one I've experienced myself.

Good evening, this is from Jyllandsposten.
Hmmm. Hi.
I have a good offer for you
Hmmm.
You can get a trial subscription for 3 months at a very favourable price.
Hmmm
Are you interested?
No.
But aren't you interested in what going on in our society and in the world in general?
Oh, yes, very much.
Then this offer's got to something for you.
Hmmm, I don't think so.
But don't you ever read papers?.
Np !!!
Then you really ort to try this offer.
Hmmmm no I don't think so .
But do you really never read papers???
No, I'm dyslectic.
ups, I apologize for the inconvenience. Goodbye.

After that we could eat our dinner undisturbed and we got a nice laugh on Jyllandsposten's expense.

Have a nice weekend

Regards Søren

From Søren

Hi and thanks for this great idea. Usually I use: "I don't believe in"

Among other things it's great to use when Amnesty International is standing in the streets and want to withdraw money from my payment clearing service.

A: Hello, Do you know Amnesty Int?

X: Yes, but I don't believe in human rights! That usually flabbergasts them enough to let you get away.

Have actually tried to offer them cash, but the only want money via the payment clearing service.


Anonymous writer

The general message to all the unknown companies that call us is, that we don't have any money and are about to shut down.
If they keep calling we tell them that the person they want to talk to is imprisoned for company fraud.



From Johnny Lynge

Message:
S: I'm calling from the newspaper XX and I have a really good offer for you: get the paper for three months including Sundays for only XX kr.
K: I'm not interested.
S: Why not,- it's a really great offer?
K: I'm blind!
S: Oh,- I'm so sorry.
Quick and efficient and you don't waste a lot of valuable time where the phone is busy so real customers can't get through.


From Allan F. Ottosen

Openway Security Consulting in Måløv now has one year of "We Do Not Use" experience, so we'd like to contribute with an evaluation of its sustainability.

The conclusion is, that it works!

The time spend getting rid of salespeople is in average reduced from 3½ minutes to les than 30 seconds. We save 3 minutes pr. call. We recieve about 20 calls from salespeople pr. year, which in total saves us an hour, put into kroner it's enough to invite the lady out to dinner once every three months (We Don't Use knife and fork).

Concret use of the concept we have successfully claimed no to use: newspapers, mobiles, toner, marketing, customers and mouse pads.

The arguments have been:

- Newspapers are bad for environment. By the way most of the employees only speak foreign languages.

- Mobile phones send out radiation. The staff is entitled to bring their own mobiles; but only if they use them in a special room, which we have lines with tin foil. We also use that as the smoking room..

- We don't use toner, because we don't use printers. We're working with high classified information. They're all encrypted and stored electronically, so no one can read them.

- We don't use marketing because new customers are too time consuming. We can't afford it.

- We don't use customers, because we're a secret insurance company.

- We don't use mouse pads, because we don't want to wear down our employees by using mice.

Best regards

Allan F. Ottosen - Openway


From Anders in Sweden

Hi all you merry friends

I have another trick which work just fine. When the sales guy X calls you at home (usually during the evening) I answer "I can't speak right now. Can I call you tomorrow at 9AM?" Typically the answer is:
"No, that won't do, I'm not working then ".
I reply "Just like I'm not right now. Goodbye".

Anders


From Henrik Ranch

At our Christmas party I heard about WeDoNotUse. Unfortunately we don't get that many calls in NET-Revision any more. I don't get it - I'm always polite and interested, but somehow I'm just not appealing to salespeople. I'm hoping for a new wave after New Year.

Recently my dentist told an interesting story. Dentists are privileged. They can babble on about anything and you can't neither answer nor walk out.

A salesman called. It was the one about a kg of chocolate without any obligations, almost without obligations, you just had to buy… The dentist cuts him of, but he calls back again … and again. The third time the dentist tells him, that he doesn't want to buy anything, but that he also sells consultation by phone, and if the salesman didn't stop calling he would send him an invoice. It should be mentioned that the first thing the dentist does is asking for company name, address and phone number. That alone scares a few people of. Well he got rid of the salesman.

Thus incited by his own success, the dentist was looking forward to the next call from a salesman. He immediately told about the consultation by telephone. When the salesman called back, the dentist told him that he would now send an invoice (having written the company name and so on during the first call). The salesman was sure, that it wasn't allowed. The company reacted aggressively to the invoice, called the dentist and told him that they had reported him to the police and the health insurance (I wonder if the health insurance will contribute to paying the fee). The dentist told them how pleased he was and he was looking forward to his layer looking into the matter. Then he checked if they had in fact filed reports - they hadn't.

Then the dentist got back to the company and reminded them about the reports - "Just a minute" they said. After some internal communication the dentist was put through to "the legal department". They were making an exception in this particular case and didn't want to pursue matters further. The dentist never heard from the salesman again.

We could use that one in NET-Revision, where counselling by telephone is a vital part of the daily work. It's a sport.

I hope someone calls soon!

Regards and merry Christmas
Henrik Ranch